If Enzo could hear me now, he would be laughing at me. Well, maybe not laught AT me, but at the thought. He would have said, told you so! But I guess, that's not him. It's a figment of my imagination of him. See, just a few days ago, I got offended by his comment about my lovelife, or the lack of it. Anyway, he's right. It's too early. I should've known. I could've known. I would've known.
Anyhoo, I've had a few heartbreaks from way back. Let's see, there was Eric from 2008ish. Well, we're still friends and I love that we put it that way. Then there's Noel from 2010ish. Well, we're not speaking anymore. But he would ping me if he needed to find a new apartment, or if I'm staying at Baguio so he can crash during the Panagbenga. Tsk. And there's Irah. Well, a very shortlived virtual special friendship. I know, I'm too stupid to fall in love with someone I met online, who I saw only in pictures or on a webcam.
And yeah, I didn't changed their names this time. I guess there's no sense in hiding them. I've been rejected like a few times now. You think I would be numb? Well, maybe I need a few more hahah. Maybe it's like the great cosmic's way of telling me this is my karma for rejecting all those other guys who'd swooned over me. Ako na ang choosy. But hey, I think it's better that I reserve myself for someone better, and not jump on to the next guy that comes around.
And yeah, I didn't changed their names this time. I guess there's no sense in hiding them. I've been rejected like a few times now. You think I would be numb? Well, maybe I need a few more hahah. Maybe it's like the great cosmic's way of telling me this is my karma for rejecting all those other guys who'd swooned over me. Ako na ang choosy. But hey, I think it's better that I reserve myself for someone better, and not jump on to the next guy that comes around.
Going back to how my conversation with Enzo last Friday went, I remembered telling him not to judge my love life. Well, he can judge all he want now. Anyone could. I even went as far as comparing myself to Tom of 500 Days of Summer. Funny. Well, I loved that film. And it made me cry, after the Expectation vs Reality bit, that when Summer chose another guy over Tom because she, in her own words said, "just woke up one day I knew... what I was never sure of with you." I'm no Tom, and maybe I'll never meet my own Summer. Or Autumn. But I can always write my own story, right?
After all the Erics and Noels, maybe the problem is that I loved myself too much. I would never give anyone my mind and my time if they were never important enough for me. And that I'm too afraid to make commitments. I don't ask for something I could not guarantee I can give. Is it not simple to just love and be loved? hahah too Moulin Rouge-ish if you ask me but Christian was right, "the greatest thing you can ever learn is to love and be loved in return." I could give a little love and maybe I'll get some back. Give more and earn more. But love is not an investment, it is a risk you should be willing to take.
Well, as much as I hate being too emo, I also hate it when it turns me into some effin Englishero. I'll be fine. We'll get back to our regular taglish programming... after a few sad songs. I hope I can make it. I know I can. I can do this. Aja! But I do hope my cat doesn't come back and get all Pet Sematary on me. Yikes!
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Photo by davidkonecny via Flickr.
PS. If you have beverages while watching a movie, should you place it on the left or the right armrest?
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