Trike or Treat?!

The Talented Mr. Banjo
photo from Manila Daily Photo at Flickr

The following entry is adapted from a famous blog reduced to the lowest hampas lupa levelling with maraming isfech depekt. For comedic purposes only. Not to be taken seriously.


Dear Ate Oprah,


Please hide me in name Shenlyn Shuva Shenes. I'm a 22, Leo, beauttyfull, inspiring singer who's a 3rd year highschool who's gonna take out mascoms in collage and to became tv reporter to use in step in stone to reach dream diva of mine. I'm stand 5'9 with heels and I'm weight 45 kilos not with heels. My fevorite color is red couse I'm not know ispeyling of fuchsia. My fevorite singer is Maraya Keyri, and I'm want to change to her. I'm come from the land of where river starts, Pasig!!! My motto is time is gold but they say not all sparkle gold that's why time not sparkle, like this watch from Raon, wanna buy? I'm give it for 100 pesos for two. Want sparkle? I'm have also, I'm give it 150 but I'm lose na there. You buy na! Ok? I thank you. Bow!!! I'm want to tell you my boyfren ok.

Banjo Datingguinoo and myself were jowaerz for all most a month, two weeks, five days, three hours, and seventeen minutes, where I'm a stay at our nipa hut in Pasig where I'm send andalu for our autoload eload biznez to open in Sampaloc.

I'm learn that BJ is use my money to pay his 5-6 to the Bumbay he's like make utang for his repair of trike he not pay anymore becouse hes hide before. Now the bumbay is make anger and like scares his family. He's not answer my text until I'm gives money for load biznez but no, it for utang really ok. I'm know now becouse I'm talk with bumbay and he's told me of utang with BJ ok.

BJ and me are a happy together forever until we break at end of last week becouse of the chorva we have at my hut when I'm ask where my money for load biznez is ok. Mudra is so a scare where my andalu is gone. I'm beleive him until that day. Shungaerz me. Oh no.

BJ is not same when I'm ask of where our account in kooperatiba. He transforms, not like darna or sailormoon but into stranger I'm not know. Mudra always says don't talk to strangers and say no to drugs ok. He's make boogie wonderland to me but I fight back ok, I kick his eggs. I know it hurts couse one time I'm like making jipit it but the blower on cabinet is like fall on it and I'm like shout watdapack, its hurts! Andalu is not here anymore, same with BJ's sweetness and everything so help me God. It's all not here anymore ok.

I'm know I'm push him away after kicking his eggs and fall on the rattan. He's so noisy and I write in blackboard noisy BJ IIIII. Thanks god his not standing also or he's a cleaner until Friday. It's so pate... pathe... pate... can I just say pitiful. He's cry to baranggay already for help. He's ask my bespren Becky's jowaerz Gilbert to take us with tanods to complaint.

After I'm go out of our hut to go to school, he snatch from me like a snatcher.

1. my 3210 which is I'm use for loading sana
2. shades from Greenhills
3. bra and panty I'm ordered from Natasha not yet paid
4. discount card to sogo
5. 150 pesos in my bag
6. very fancy necklace from Quiapo underpass

He's a bad. He try to make me jail at baranggay hall but no I'm a win couse I'm have God a star witness. He's do this to like make him more accept in his freinds. Your always a panic! Are you drugs again?! Stop it ok. Many of his freindship know it ok, but they not look at. See?

In Sampaloc he's make utang again to peple for shabu, he's like credit to four for 2400 pesos. And they anger and look but it's like hide and seek ok. The tanods knows BJ a liar ok becouse they laughter me after telling he's like me to walk away from him today in here. I'm just a happy that Paps Gilbert not do as he told becouse I'm a fren to Becky ok.

BJ want me out in Sampaloc so he keep my andalu for loading biznez ok. But I'm a scare at first so I'm a quiet but not forever hold my peace until I'm at home swett home. BJ say he has powers to make peple like gone. I'm don't know, I'm look for anting anting for that. So now he's so many miles away, the mouse will play and I'm a telling you I'm going speak everything.

He's know I'm a sick and I'm need the money. I'm have bulutong tubig and I'm buy pito pito in Quiapo but I'm can't couse it's so far and my money only take me to Crossing only. I'm known he can't touch me here in Pasig couse he's not have bulutong yet. Just try it and I'm make sick you!

BJ asks his mudra to help him, she makes talak to me and say I'm lie. Puuhhhleeeaze!!! She like a epal in baranggay, feeling kagawad but not really. Just a second grade coppycat. She's a say BJ is a religious. Really only ha? He's not, he's like a devil in wears Prada but not really couse he's not a girl but he's still a gorgius and not Prada couse he not buy other than ukay ukay okay.

He try to make me give 8000 pesos before breakup but not becouse I'm ask where andalu is and is not. Also I'm dont have 8000 pesos couse my brother make borrow for her field trip to Palawan. Then its bye bye now. He's a bad, he's say my brother like snatch andalu from me but no, it's BJ getting 100 pesos every now and then.

I'm ask to tanods to make watch me couse he's like scare me I'm going to gone with the wind. His family is so giraffe, and the mudrax just epal everrr. From the beginning, he's like a callboy which buy me this and that. He's a bad, not a role model, kids don't try this at home ok. He's so bad, very bad, and much much bad. Basta bad sya.

He's use my money to go Malabon and visits his gelpren. She's think I'm not have boobs? Look again, look at! I'm love BJ but he's so bad that he only take but not give love on christmas day. Now I'm a home in Pasig, I'm tell everything.

Many things your not know about GUTSI TODA from Gilbert himself a member, which is a mean Gastambide-UST-Tayuman-Sampaloc-Integrated TODA. I'm a happy to tell everybody their secret ok and know that they like snatch from passenger. Not to forget they shabu everyday.

His other toda fren am know of the gelfren in Malabon ok. They liar to me and not tell me but I'm knows now. I'm not like them couse they bad. They just like to drug always to became a look tough anymore. I'm anger at them and no forgive and forget here couse they not thinks my hurt and feels ok.

BJ is drugs many many times. He's like a crazy with change happy to sad to anger to cry to happy and again, everybody now. He's rugby sometimes when no pasada. I'm ask him to stop right now, thank you very much. He's say ok but not really. I'm saw one time he have two plastic shabu and when ask to himself, he's say it tawas. I'm even use it couse I'm forgot to buy tawas from Becky's store but he's anger at me couse I'm use it for my under the arm. I'm a shungaerz in beleive ok.

But last week when I'm see him with gelfren they like shabu and drugs like ever after. I'm a hurt. If I'm a know that he drugs, I'm not look and date him. Choz! His yummy ok so I'm try it.



Lovingly yours,


Honey, 22 Sampaloc now in Pasig
09051234567 call or text me, please pasa load me,
I'm without eh couse I'm not start biznez becouse of Banjo.





PS. Smile when your reads ok
Dedication: I'm want to thanks you Ate Oprah for space in your slumbook.
Thank you! Bow!!

~0~

Ateng Oprah-Oprahan: Sa iyo Shen, I LURVE IT!!! Everyone in the audience gets a slumbook! Ang tanging maitutulong ko lang sayo Shen ay etong natitirang 33 pesos load ko, teka bale 32 na lang pala kasi may one peso transaction fee. Teka send ko lang. Sa mga nanunuod, maaari kayong tumulong sa pamamagitan ng cheke, de lata, 1000 cc ng dugo, o kaya Mocha Frappe, for me yun. Ipadala lang sa amin dito sa network. Sa makapagbibigay ng kinaroroonan ni Banjo, pakisabi crush ka daw ni Ate Ellen. Yuckkk ha! Huli syang nakitang nakasuot ng Pulang shirt, boardshorts, Mikey rubber shoes, at nagjajogging sa may Luneta dakong 3:42 kaninang hapon. Heto may pic ako sa cel tignan nyo. OMG, kakadiri lang. Pano mo nagustuhan yan, Shen. Eeeeewwww ka!!!

Ateng Oprah-Oprahan: Sa iyo BJ, kung nasan ka man, alam ko hindi mo sinadya yun, kelangan mo lang talaga makabatak ng shabu bawat biyahe mo, at yung gelpren mo bading yun, mas magaling lang sya magtago kay Shen. Ibalik mo na ang money, maawa ka naman. Kung meron ka pang puso! Kung meron ka pang kaluluwa! Kung meron ka pang natitirang pagkatao dyan ibalik mo na. Por Dios por santo, may sakit ang tao, ikaw sa drugs mo lang ginagasta!