Linggo, Hunyo 26, 2011

Reservation

 
Photo by stanrbvegas via Flickr.
For here or to go?



Table for One?
June, 2011


See I've been single for like forever now, while some might think I've been single since birth but no. My oldest friend since unofficially coming out in 2008ish would have known me single then and single now. It doesn't matter really. Singlehood has its perks yah know. Like meron kang time management sa buhay mo, sa work, sa gala, at sa buhay mo. Heniweys di ka naman siguro magseselos sa sarili mo kung masyado ka nang umiispend ng time with friends and not with your alone time. But at the end of the day no matter how many friends you have you'll still end up making mukmok sa ilalim ng kumot at sinasabing 'ayoko na, ayoko na talaga.' That's so sad I know but that's the reality of it all. At least I have time for my own yah know. Yes, di masyadong maganda ang trade off but still yah know you can't have it all.


So there I was trying to assess my singlehood. Some calls it their 'single blessedness'. Single blessedness nyo mukha nyo. Kaya eto napapaisip ako ano nga ba ang singlehood? To help me answer my own questions (yes nagtanong pa ako ako rin ang sasagot di ba nakakagago lang?) eh tinry ko iclassify ang mga uri ng single statusness. Slightly based ito sa kumakalat na memo slash SMS slash email attachment dun sa mga dahilan kung bakit single ang mga tao. Heniweys here we go:

Mga Status ng Single:

1. Single Since Birth.

Ito yung mga taong single since birth. Period. Yun na, choz. Sila ang mga taong never pa nagkaron ng any kind or relationship other than friendly or professional in nature na may involved na groping or cuddling, not that required yun sa romantic relationships or hinahanap nila yun. Mga tao lang sila na naghahanap ng kalinga... not in a senior citizen kinda way. Well, merong ibang umabot na sa thundercats level whilst maintaining their SSB status, how they managed that di ko masasabi dahil maraming factors to consider. Baka kulang lang sa confidence at natorpe, baka destined to be alone, or the most common reason eh not aesthetically endowed si teh. Habang may buhay may pag-asa, darating din ang panahon at makakamove on na sila sa In a Relationship status and later magmove back sa singlehood pero in a different subclass na.

2. Single and Available.

Single and ready to mingle ang hirit nila. Kadalasan malakas ang self confidence. May ilang naliligaw ang landas na eksenadorang In an Open Relationship pero wag masyadong malinlang, they may seem single pero in essence in a relationship din yang gagong yan. Go lang ng go kung saan pinupugaran ng mga singles makahook up lang. It's possible na they'll stay in this status dahil free sila to make chorva to anyone. Walang magagalit, walang magseselos.

3. Single but not Looking.

Single at busy, do not disturb or AFK. Single at maraming kabusyhan sa buhay, nagmumultitasking sa career or academics pero ang romance aspect parang inamnesiahan na. Alam din nila ang kahalagahan ng three month rule, kung sakaling balak na nilang magtransmigrate sila doon sa ibang level eh magrerevert back na sila sa single and available.

4. Single but Happy.

This is so Basha. Sya na, sya lang yata ang nakakapulloff ng ganyang linya. Nasa kanya na ang lahat na bumubeauty at brains. Di rin sya masyadong kabusyhan sa career, in fact official tambay sya (or freelance?). Nahanap na nila ang inner peace, or nirvana, or whatever, kaya they made one with their selves. Mahirap maachieve ang ganitong level dahil mahirap mahanap ng kahulugan ang happiness sa buhay mo at iequate sa singlehood. Gaano ba kadali ang maging happy but single?

5. Single and it's Complicated.

Ang catchall ng mga single na walang mapaglagyan ng classification: mga single na hindi happy due to unforseen circumstances; mga single na tuod o impotent o sadyang pinanganak na manhid sa human emotions eh dinaig pa nya si Jacklyn Jose; mga single na natrauma sa past relationship at di na nakamove on ever; mga single na naghihintay forever ng right person sa kanilang buhay na magtatama ng kanilang mga mali. Mga single na maraming dahilan sa buhay para manatiling single at naimmune na sa magulong relationship status na ito. Maraming reservations sa buhay na di na pa nagmamaterialize.


Naisip ko'ng nakakapagod din pala maging single at complicated at the same time. Kelangan ko na magmove on soon, pero tinatamad pa ako o wala akong gana, choz! Nagpapakatanga sa isang sulok kakaantay sa aking Jeyhow*. Ngunit datapwat subalit ang primary source ng aking singleness is the fact that I've loved myself more than anybody else that I end up overanalyzing potential loves. Bakit nga ba di dapat tularan ang pagiging aking pagiging single and complicated. May ilang pointers akong napick-up na harinaway maapply ko sa near future:


5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Love Yourself (it might apply to you too)

5. Jerjer Reasons.

Sex, karat, gerger, copulation, or whatever you might call it. Yah know you'll have access to all that sexual revolution pero you have to look out for yourself dahil who knows by changing partners you're putting yourself at risk. If you're not into the whole sex thing then maybe the masturbation is your thing. But still having sex with your digits isn't all that great.

4. Emotional Suicide.

Yah know it's killing you inside just to be single. Like, if you love yourself more and they say too much love will kill you, then you are actually killing yourself. Ewan ko ba sa failed logic na yan pero yah know what I mean. Sometimes being alone saps the energy to go on. And only love could be the antidote to this poison, the ether to sustain magic, the emotional gatorade to energize.

3. That Whitney Song LSS.

It's bad that my theme song is apparently ateng Whitney's Greatest Love of All that I relive the words. I've learned to love myself yes, a little bit more than required. Pero no no no, masyado nang nagconcentrate sa loving yourself.
Now Papa Jesaz said we should love thy neighbors next.

2. F.L.A.M.E.S.

Yah know once in your childhood you've played this with your highschool crush, well maybe by yourself not with him or her looking over the results. Apparently you can't play this by yourself because you'll end up crossing every letter in your name duh. Like for me I'll end up with A anger and A anger then ang sum ko M marriage. Or you can Flames yourself with your alterego with an alias maybe. But that's even creepier than Flames-ing yourself seriously.

1. Alone.

Sure it's fun to do things with friends and sometimes doing things alone. But it would be better if you had someone to share those experiences together, not some random friend right? It's hard going to a movie house alone (unless you're doing it for a review and you need to go even alone), or reserving a table in a fancy resto for one. That's just sad I know. How some can do it is beyond me. But for the time being I'll have to pretend to enjoy doing it with friends, hahah. And yeah, til now I always got by on my own.


So there, nagcount up, then count down. Parang sabi lang ni Brian McKnight, 'we'll start back at one.' Hanudaw konek?! Yah know counting down calms me. Turo yan sa akin ng Sesame Street eh, di ko lang matandaan kung si Kuya Bodgie ba or si Big Bird nagsabi nyan specifically. Basta sabi nya pag galit ka just count from 10 to 1, and you'll soon forget the anger. Yah know why I can't really love fully is because punong puno ng hate ang aking dibdib na parang gustong sumabog anytime. Ewan ko ba pero dulot yata ng aking acidic personality or what. If I can do this maybe makakamove on na ako sa pagiging single... 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2...
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