Citrus Rings

Photo by audreyjm529 at Flickr.

Papi Chulo 9: Orange and Lemon   
04.30.2010


Matapos ang madamdaming pag-eemote ni Madam Curing sa TV eh mejo shocked pa kami for about 30 seconds. Tapos biglang fineature yung commercial ng Nestle Drumstick kaya mejo nahimasmasan na kami. Yun pala ang magaling na maderakang nagpapaligo ng mga bata sa mga dagat ng basura.


Pierre: GRABE si Annoying Orange noh?! Kasuka siya. 

Chester: OMG grabe ginawa nya sa nanay nya. 

Pierre: Oo nga. Di ko na talaga maintindihan kung may boboto pa sa kanya 

Chester: May chikka na Lemon Ribbon is conducting a seance to have Tita Cory to endorse. 

Pierre: Ahahah. Nakakatawa. God rest her soul. Alam mo I cried when she died. Especially when Dulce sang Your Heart Today. Grabe! She was an entire ERA in Philippine History. 

Chester: Did you attend the wake? 

Pierre: I didn't. I watched from the tube. 

Chester: Ang lakas ng ulan that time at basang basa yung mga tao. 

Pierre: Oo. I remember thinking to myself, "Look up Mother country. The skies commiserates the loss of your one true daughter. Look up Filipinos. Look up in despair. How do you replace that woman in the yellow dress?" As in... I said it out loud. Char. 

Chester: At pinagbabato ka ng pandesal ng mga tao. 

Pierre: I didn't say it out loud naman. I just felt it. I cried like crazy.  

Chester: Ikaw na ang emotera. Ikaw na ang makata. 

Pierre: I should post that poem. 

Chester: Go lang pero after the elections na ha. Yah know naman baka isipin nila you're campaigning for Team Lemon Ribbon. 

Pierre: Well, really. I'm campaigning for Silent Knight-Pink Five tandem. I really want them to purge this land. But better Lemon Ribbon than Annoying Orange. 

Chester: Iniisip ko na baka si Lemon Ribbon ang i-vote ko kasi it will come down to popularity. Yah know basing on the polls. 

Pierre: Yeah. Anything basta wag si Annoying Orange. 

Chester: Nagdidikit na nga sila ni Armband sa polls. Like... eeewww. Ganito na ba kababa ang collective IQ ng Pilipinas? 

Pierre: Yeah as a country we've the IQ of a twittering idiot! 

Chester: Twittering idiot talaga?!? OMG naoffend ako. Nagtitwitter pa naman ako. ahahah 

Pierre: Well, the word twitter to mean insubstantial and useless came before that confounded site. It says much that most of the world twitters and thinks its cool. I don't twitter. 

Chester: hahah. I know. Kinonek ko lang kasi kakaupdate ko lang kanina. 

Pierre: Oh sige... blithering idiot. 

Chester: Speaking of idiot. Ano naman masasabi mo kay Chiz? 

Pierre: Ayy. Si kuya kung kelan 2 minutes away pumapapel sa mananalo. Halllloooooo! As if we don't know tuta siya ni Gloria! HALLER!!!! Gloria is desperate! EEEEWWWWW! Sad. 

Chester: Natatawa ako kay Gloria. What happened to her manikurista? 

Pierre: I'm sooo not updated. I get to see only snippets of news. And mostly hear it on the radio on the way to work. Someone needs to shoot her in the temple and massacre her whole family as in to the apo para ubos na ang lahi nila. 

Chester: Pwede unahin na si Mikey? 

Pierre: Oo. Be my guest. Grabe sila. How can anyone be so evil?! 

Chester: Akala ko nga mamatay na silang mag-asawa sa sakit. Di ba ilang beses silang na-confine sa hospital before? 

Pierre: Oo. Sana mamatay sila ng painful and cruel death. Lahat sila pati kmaganak nila. As in mga mga relatives twice removed. 

Chester: Grabe poot na poot.   

Pierre: Grabe sila! Pero kasalanan din kasi nating Pinoy. Corruption is so deeply rooted. Kahit at the level ng common people. Isipin mo na lang yung mga taxi drivers na nangongontrata at nandadaya ng metro. Mga fixer. Ayy grabe. 

Chester: I thought minana natin to sa mga Kastila? 

Pierre: Well, wherever it came from masyado nating ginawang sariling atin. 

Chester: Nasanay lang ang mga taong magrely doon kasi nga naman mas madali ang buhay. 

Pierre: Anyways, it's too late in the evening to speak of politics. And what a waste of perfectly good bed weather. I'd rather talk of moonshine. 

Chester: Infernezz lumamig ng konti ang Pilipinas dahil sa ulan. 

Pierre: Oo nga. Sarap. Perfect sa weekend. Pwera usog. Alam mo days like these I wish I were in the forest living alone para I can walk around naked. 

Chester: Forest nymph why not? 

Pierre: Oo. Diana... goddess of the hunt. 

Chester: Diana is Roman dabah? Sino counterpart ba sya sa Greek? 

Pierre: ARTEMIS!!!! 

Chester: Ahh oo yata. I forgot na. 

Pierre: Expertise ko dati Greek and Roman myth. 

Chester: Wow ikaw na. Dahil jan may nagquiz: Enumerate all 9 muses! choz 

Pierre: Ayy challenge. Lyriope? Cliope? Tama ba? 

Chester: May Calliope yata. 

Pierre: Si Tina, si Wendy at si Jane? 

Chester: Cynthia? 

Pierre: Oo. Cynthia yung counterpart nya sa Roman ay si Doris Alameda. Tama. 

Chester: Kalokaaa! Di na ako makarelate. 

Pierre: Ayy ako kanina pa di makarelate.


Implikasyon: Humanda na kayo sa pagtutuos sa a-diez. The Annoying Orange versus the Lemon Ribbon. Who knows baka may chance pa si Armband, Silent Knight, at Jeje-Buster.  At dahil jan may isa pang umaapila, si Ja-ja-ja-ja-mon: "paRurusZaHan q0h p0h qE0 sxa nGahLan nG buWahNz!"

A face only a mother can love.

VS

 Parang di naman ganun katuwid ohh.