Endangered

Photo by accwai via Flickr.
Clarity, Inner peace, serenity.

Papi Chulo 11: Clear History
08.11.11


Pierre: Friend, alam mo pano magdelete ng history?

Chester: Sorry teh, I don't delete history. Cause history repeats itself. I thank you.

Pierre: Chosera ka, sa browser!

Chester: Anong browser ba gamit mo?

Pierre: Moz... ayyy, Chrome pala.

Chester: I'm sorry, I don't do Chrome, nor Plus. I just do.

Pierre: Do?

Chester: Google teh. I just google. Igoogle ko ba brain mo ngayon? Nalolost ka ata teh.

Pierre: Punyeta ka!

Chester: Ganun talaga. Kamusta naman ang lamyerda mo teh?

Pierre: Ok naman. Oh my, nakita ko si Gian sa Malate.

Chester: I'm sure, san pa ba namumugad ang mga beks?! Sa Cubao at Malate lang naman.

Pierre: At take note nasa Greenbelt din sya the last time.

Chester: Malamang, maraming tao sa Greenbelt kaya it is possible na nasa same place kayo at a given time. Magugulat pa ako kung magkita kayo sa isang deserted island.

Pierre: Ano yan temptation island?! Don't temptation me hahah. Who knows, it might be destiny.

Chester: Yah know destiny is overrated. There's no such thing as destiny, there is only coincidence.

Pierre: Basagera ka talaga ng trip. Basagin ko fez mo eh!

Chester: Ito naman warlatic. Ginigising lang kita. Huy infernezz, bet ko yung pinost mong vid ng Parokya ni Edgar. Pangarap lang Kita, that is so my theme song. Umeeleses na naman ako, nagrereklamo na yung shupetbahay namin sa baranggay for reckless bijowkeyness resulting to bleeding eardrums I don't care.

Pierre: I know, frustrated songstressa ka teh. Azzin nakakafrustrate kung kumanta ka, sana may sumalaksak na lang sa lalamunan mo ng something nang matahimik ka na! hahah

Chester: Galit na galit, pinadugo ko na ba ang tenga mo teh. Heniweys, as I was saying relate na relate ako sa song na yun, Pangarap lang Kita.

Pierre: Yes, hanggang pangarap ka lang naman eh. Mag mocha frappe ka kaya?

Chester: Cheh ka! That is so me kasi lalo na yung second stanza.

Pierre: Alin don yung "mahirap maging babae"? Teh sabi ko sayo yung pinangloload mo ipunin mo muna para makagora ka sa Thailand at magpasex change na.

Chester: Ayyy di ko naman inilusyon magkaron ng pechay. I mean yung next line don.

♫♪♫ ...kung torpe yung lalake Kahit may gusto ka, di mo masabi. Hindi ako yung tipong nagbibigay motibo. Conservative ako kaya di maaari. ♪♫♪

Pierre: Torpe at conservative talaga?! Parang hindi match.

Chester: I know! Ako lang yata ang ganyan. Endangered na ako teh!

Pierre: And to add, feelingera ka din.

Chester: Buset! Inggitera ka lang.

Pierre: Anong gusto mong gawin ko, iregister ka sa world wildlife fund? Ipapablotter na ba kita sa women's desk na if ever may nangyari sayo, nategi ka or worse... naubusan ka ng extra rice, ganon?!

Chester: Lecheng to di man lang sincere ang concern mo sakin.

Pierre: Wala ka kasing mapapala don. Torpe at conservative?! Di ka na nga nagsasabi ng gusto mo dahil torpe ka, at di ka rin naman nagrerespond sa may gusto sayo dahil conservative ka. Hindi ka na nga passive, di ka pa aggressive.

Chester: I know right. Baka it's meant to be, me by myself. Loving myself and all that dramaness. I hate that I love it!

Pierre: Baka it's destiny. Mamamatay ka na lang teh di ka pa magkakajowa. Endangered ka na nga. Pwede ka na ihanay sa monkey eating eagle.

Chester: Ayyy gusto ko panda teh.

Pierre: Bagay sa eyebags mo at sa lumalaking tyan mo.

Chester: At ikaw naman pwede na ihanay sa langgam. Padami nang padami kayong makakati!

Pierre: Alcohol lang ang solusyon jan. Lasing lasingan, gusto magkatikiman?

Chester: Lunurin kaya kita sa Red Horse jan.

Pierre: Happy Horse na lang teh para endangered din.

Chester: Gora nomo na!

Pierre: I know nag-eemote ka na naman.


Sana ang puso at utak parang browser lang, pwedeng magbookmark anytime at pwedeng magclear ng cache. Cause history repeats itself. Yun na!

Citrus Rings

Photo by audreyjm529 at Flickr.

Papi Chulo 9: Orange and Lemon   
04.30.2010


Matapos ang madamdaming pag-eemote ni Madam Curing sa TV eh mejo shocked pa kami for about 30 seconds. Tapos biglang fineature yung commercial ng Nestle Drumstick kaya mejo nahimasmasan na kami. Yun pala ang magaling na maderakang nagpapaligo ng mga bata sa mga dagat ng basura.


Pierre: GRABE si Annoying Orange noh?! Kasuka siya. 

Chester: OMG grabe ginawa nya sa nanay nya. 

Pierre: Oo nga. Di ko na talaga maintindihan kung may boboto pa sa kanya 

Chester: May chikka na Lemon Ribbon is conducting a seance to have Tita Cory to endorse. 

Pierre: Ahahah. Nakakatawa. God rest her soul. Alam mo I cried when she died. Especially when Dulce sang Your Heart Today. Grabe! She was an entire ERA in Philippine History. 

Chester: Did you attend the wake? 

Pierre: I didn't. I watched from the tube. 

Chester: Ang lakas ng ulan that time at basang basa yung mga tao. 

Pierre: Oo. I remember thinking to myself, "Look up Mother country. The skies commiserates the loss of your one true daughter. Look up Filipinos. Look up in despair. How do you replace that woman in the yellow dress?" As in... I said it out loud. Char. 

Chester: At pinagbabato ka ng pandesal ng mga tao. 

Pierre: I didn't say it out loud naman. I just felt it. I cried like crazy.  

Chester: Ikaw na ang emotera. Ikaw na ang makata. 

Pierre: I should post that poem. 

Chester: Go lang pero after the elections na ha. Yah know naman baka isipin nila you're campaigning for Team Lemon Ribbon. 

Pierre: Well, really. I'm campaigning for Silent Knight-Pink Five tandem. I really want them to purge this land. But better Lemon Ribbon than Annoying Orange. 

Chester: Iniisip ko na baka si Lemon Ribbon ang i-vote ko kasi it will come down to popularity. Yah know basing on the polls. 

Pierre: Yeah. Anything basta wag si Annoying Orange. 

Chester: Nagdidikit na nga sila ni Armband sa polls. Like... eeewww. Ganito na ba kababa ang collective IQ ng Pilipinas? 

Pierre: Yeah as a country we've the IQ of a twittering idiot! 

Chester: Twittering idiot talaga?!? OMG naoffend ako. Nagtitwitter pa naman ako. ahahah 

Pierre: Well, the word twitter to mean insubstantial and useless came before that confounded site. It says much that most of the world twitters and thinks its cool. I don't twitter. 

Chester: hahah. I know. Kinonek ko lang kasi kakaupdate ko lang kanina. 

Pierre: Oh sige... blithering idiot. 

Chester: Speaking of idiot. Ano naman masasabi mo kay Chiz? 

Pierre: Ayy. Si kuya kung kelan 2 minutes away pumapapel sa mananalo. Halllloooooo! As if we don't know tuta siya ni Gloria! HALLER!!!! Gloria is desperate! EEEEWWWWW! Sad. 

Chester: Natatawa ako kay Gloria. What happened to her manikurista? 

Pierre: I'm sooo not updated. I get to see only snippets of news. And mostly hear it on the radio on the way to work. Someone needs to shoot her in the temple and massacre her whole family as in to the apo para ubos na ang lahi nila. 

Chester: Pwede unahin na si Mikey? 

Pierre: Oo. Be my guest. Grabe sila. How can anyone be so evil?! 

Chester: Akala ko nga mamatay na silang mag-asawa sa sakit. Di ba ilang beses silang na-confine sa hospital before? 

Pierre: Oo. Sana mamatay sila ng painful and cruel death. Lahat sila pati kmaganak nila. As in mga mga relatives twice removed. 

Chester: Grabe poot na poot.   

Pierre: Grabe sila! Pero kasalanan din kasi nating Pinoy. Corruption is so deeply rooted. Kahit at the level ng common people. Isipin mo na lang yung mga taxi drivers na nangongontrata at nandadaya ng metro. Mga fixer. Ayy grabe. 

Chester: I thought minana natin to sa mga Kastila? 

Pierre: Well, wherever it came from masyado nating ginawang sariling atin. 

Chester: Nasanay lang ang mga taong magrely doon kasi nga naman mas madali ang buhay. 

Pierre: Anyways, it's too late in the evening to speak of politics. And what a waste of perfectly good bed weather. I'd rather talk of moonshine. 

Chester: Infernezz lumamig ng konti ang Pilipinas dahil sa ulan. 

Pierre: Oo nga. Sarap. Perfect sa weekend. Pwera usog. Alam mo days like these I wish I were in the forest living alone para I can walk around naked. 

Chester: Forest nymph why not? 

Pierre: Oo. Diana... goddess of the hunt. 

Chester: Diana is Roman dabah? Sino counterpart ba sya sa Greek? 

Pierre: ARTEMIS!!!! 

Chester: Ahh oo yata. I forgot na. 

Pierre: Expertise ko dati Greek and Roman myth. 

Chester: Wow ikaw na. Dahil jan may nagquiz: Enumerate all 9 muses! choz 

Pierre: Ayy challenge. Lyriope? Cliope? Tama ba? 

Chester: May Calliope yata. 

Pierre: Si Tina, si Wendy at si Jane? 

Chester: Cynthia? 

Pierre: Oo. Cynthia yung counterpart nya sa Roman ay si Doris Alameda. Tama. 

Chester: Kalokaaa! Di na ako makarelate. 

Pierre: Ayy ako kanina pa di makarelate.


Implikasyon: Humanda na kayo sa pagtutuos sa a-diez. The Annoying Orange versus the Lemon Ribbon. Who knows baka may chance pa si Armband, Silent Knight, at Jeje-Buster.  At dahil jan may isa pang umaapila, si Ja-ja-ja-ja-mon: "paRurusZaHan q0h p0h qE0 sxa nGahLan nG buWahNz!"

A face only a mother can love.

VS

 Parang di naman ganun katuwid ohh.

HA > 5 > JE

 
Photo by siONEproduktions at Flickr. It's Haunter!

Papi Chulo 8: Who's that Jejemon?!
04.25.2010


Narinig mo na ba ang latest sa kajologan?! Yes, ito na ang latest fashion in squatterific effect: ang mga jejemons. Not the cute squishy animals na kumakalat sa TV at mga handheld consoles. Eto yung nakakainit ng ulong magsipagtext at magtype. Walang pakundangan sa proper use of spelling, syntax and grammar. At lalo naman sa paggamit ng shift key. Kaya ayun in toggle-shift aka alternating shift.

Chester: Teh may nagtext.

Pierre: Si Vice Ganda ba itey?!
 
Chester:  Oo textmates na kami. Choz!
 
Pierre: Para sayo ba yang text?
 
Chester:  Naman! Akala mo sa akin puro wrong sent lang?!
 
Pierre: Oh yun naman pala eh bakit kelangan mo pa i-powerpoint. Kerr ko naman jan.
 
Chester: Chosera ka. Si Mark nagtext:

e0w puh! Muxta? brEakfaSz tAuh. n0Od p0kEhmhOnZ

Pierre: Infernezz teh pwede kang Vice. Kafezlak mo pa sya oh.
 
Chester: Punyemas ka! Pinapasakit na nga ulo ko ng Mark ehh.
 
Pierre: Jejemon ka. hahah
 
Chester: Pano naman ako naging jejemon?!
 
Pierre: I just learned that word like a week ago.
 
Chester: I don't like the term. Parang Pokemon na hindi.

Pierre: Ang cute kaya. Si Mark jejemon alam mo yan teh.
 
Chester: Bakla na nga, emo pa, tapos ngayon jejemon. Ano pang magandang maidudulot nya sa society.

Pierre: Ayy ang sama moooo. Naaasar na ako dun. Pati ba naman tattoo ina-update pa. Theeee heeeeellll!

Chester: Anong tattoo?!?
 
Pierre: Oo may GM. Nasa ika-apat na tattoo na daw siya. Kainis. Gusto ko nga replayan ng 'so?'
 
Chester: Hindi ko nareceive yan. Thank you.
 
Pierre: Ayy pota. Ang daya. Sabihin ko isama ka sa Jejelist nya.
 
Chester: Bwisit ka.
 
Pierre: I love it. Jejemon, jejelist. Kaso parang tunog galis.
 
Chester: Isa kang jejEh8t3rz
 
Pierre: Wala akong SOL sa jejemon.
 
Chester: Wag kang h8rz
 
Pierre: Nagsalita ang hindi. Woi.
 
Chester: Ehrmaygawd. I didn't that Mommy Bei. I didn't that! Matagal ka na bang binubulabog ni Mark? Wala na kasi ako narereceive. I'm so happy.
 
Pierre: Oo. Each and every day. Leche. Sabihan ko nga na itext ka.
 
Chester: Subukan mo lang. Cheh ka!
 
Pierre: Para mas masaya. The more the manier.
 
Chester: Your channeling Melanie ha. You can never can tell.

Pierre: Melanisms. At benta ang article about jejemons sa Inquirer.
 
Chester: Meron sa Inquirer about jejemons?!?
Pierre: Tamaaa.


At seryoso nga merong article Jejemons: The New Jologs ni Harvey Marcoleta sa Inquirer, azz in THE Philippine Daily Inquirer. Akalain mo yun pati broadsheets pinag-aaksayahan na rin ng panahon ang mga jejemons.

 
Chester: May nalalaman pa si author na Jejebet. Nainis ako bigla
 
Pierre: Tamaaa. Tapos yung mga cLanZz na nagmi-meet sa Jejeland. hahaha
 
Chester: 5555
 
Pierre: Infairess to 5555 less effort.
 
Chester: Korek. Pero may effort sa googling. Pano mo naman makokonek na 5 = ha in Thai?! Feeling ko discreet jejemon tong author.
 
Pierre: Bakit mo naman nasabi?
 
Chester: Andami nyang alam eh. 5555
 
Pierre: Nagresearch lang yun. Pero baka nga. Ikaw na Thai.
 
Chester: Gusto ko lang talaga yung super shortcut version eh.
 
Pierre: Tamaaa.
 
Chester: Parang 5ppy birthday or 5sta la vista or 5nnah montana.
 
Pierre: Pota sa 5nnah montana.
 
Chester: Oh dabah less effort.
 
Pierre: Ang effort kaya.
 
Chester: Hindi kaya. 5 < ha. Nakakaloka pa ito:

bAiAn9 mA9ieLiWh pUrlAsh n9 xIlan9aNaN

Pierre: Ay oo hahahaha. Win yung perlas.
 
Chester: Parang bekinese! Purlash!
 
Pierre: True.
 
Chester: OMG. Ngayon ko lang naimagine. Hindi kaya si Mark ang author?!?
 
Pierre: Hindi. Siya yung ininterbyu. May pasasalamat kay Mark Maldito:

"I'd like to thank Jejemon Mark for helping me out with the Jejenisms."

Chester: Jejenese di ba?
 
Pierre: Ayy mali pala. Pero ok na din yung jejenisms.
 
Chester: Jejenism refers to the proper use of Jejenese and the Jejebet system.
 
Pierre: Ano yung Jejenese?
 
Chester: Anobeh eh di yung language mismo. eOw?!?


Moral of the Story: Wag tularan. Nakamamatay... ng brain cells.

Signboard

Photo by lenseyed at Flickr

Papi Chulo 6: Check the Signs
July 12, 2009



Chester: Ayy friend, pano ba gumawa ng move?

Pierre: Anong move naman ito aber?

Chester: Sa chess? hehehhe

Pierre: Josko chess move! Wag mo ko tatanungin dun at di ako naglalaro ng chess. Hay nako kung sa lablayp ito basta gogogo lang noh. Wag nang pashy shy. Di na uso yan ngayon

Chester: Well torpe ako di ba nga. Rephrase ko, "pano mo masasabi na gusto ka ng isang tao?" Sa experience ko kasi hindi ako kinikibo usually. Natatakot ata. hheheheh

Pierre: Ayyy sino ito ha? Nakakaintriga. Dapat dalhin ang spotlight dito go!

Well isang way nga yang dedma dedmahan, pero paglagpas kilig na kilig, ang sarap kurutin sa singit. hahah! Pero hindi yan sure hit na may gusto sayo. Baka dinededma ka talaga kasi natatakot sayo, azz in iskeyri ka daw! Try mo maligo baka mag-iba ang pananaw nya sa mundo.

Chester: Sa pakiramdaman... ako kasi hindi ako alam kung paano eh.... Manhid ako sa ganyan!

Pierre: Mahirap makiramdam lalo na kung di ka rin marunong magparamdam. Forever na lang kayong magpapakiramdaman. Forever na lang ba mag-aabang ng signs?

Pano kung laging negative, forever ka bang magsasayaw sa Obando?
Pano kung laging non-smoking, forever ka na lang megatambay sa labas?
Pano kung laging red, forever stop ka jan?

Chester: Bakit biglang may non-smoking? Kaloka!

Pierre: Di ko rin alam eh. Basta ang konek eh signs.

Chester: Pwede! pwede!

Air Male

Photo by bitzi at Flickr

Papi Chulo 5th Avenue: Air Male
July 6, 2009



Pierre: Hay ang kehtagal nawala sa ere ng Show Time natin ha!

Chester: Hello hello sa ating mga televiewers from around the barangay. Infernezz namiss ko yung mga advice column natin.

Pierre: Akswali isa lang inadvice-an natin... survivor na sya ngayon. Sayang at di natin sya guest ngayon para magtesti naman sa ating kabutihang ginawa sa kanya.

Chester: Gagah ka! Eh baka pagmumurahin lang tayo non.

Pierre: Ayy wag naman. I'm afraid really!

Chester: Tumigil ka na nga jan, sakit mo sa bangs.

Pierre: Well ano ba meron tayo today?

Chester: Meron tayong letter sender.

Pierre: Talaga meron pa non?

Chester: Oo naman. Check mo muna kung may Anthrax go!

Pierre: Lech! Ang cheap naman letter talaga ha! Meron naman e-mail o kaya text message. Hay naku sana nagtelegrama pa sya!

Chester: Actually nasaraduhan lang daw yata sya ng LBC. Cheh! Wag ka na magulo jan. Eto ang liham ng ating letter sender:


Papi Chulo,

Hello, just wanna ask something, mind me? My bestfriend called me up around 2am and was crying, asking me these questions:

"Would you still continue a relationship with someone who cheats? Yet, would say he just did that out of boredom... someone who would reason out he was just flirting but still loves you. Sometimes, he would say I'm stupid, dumb and the like whenever he tries to point out something and I just cant get it, he can bear not to call or text whenever he feels like doing so, he can tell straight to my face that he doesn't wanna see me, just because he's mad. Someone who's too bossy, someone who's pride is bigger than his shadow, someone who doesn't usually say sorry, someone who would argue you with his bent ideas, someone who would initiate a break up when we fight (and that always keeps me askin' myself if he just did that out of anger or if the idea of breaking up was with him long before). Someone who hurts you yet you can't do something because of the fact that you love him so much and you can't leave him just like that after spending one year and two months with him.

I really wana give up but the idea of breaking up hurts like hell. How much more if its not an idea anymore? Would I survive? Yes I had lived all those years without him, but the fact that he came and became a part of me is a different story. Sometimes you really can feel he loves you and sometimes you can't. Help me please."


xoxo
casanova

~0~

Chester: Telenovela ito ha! Infernezz inaantay ko talaga magsalita si Ateh Charo pero absent sya yata or nagnonose bleed pa. Oh help daw!

Pierre: Oo na! Hmm... remember everything during the relationship. If its worth giving a chance, then go. Help your friend. He's just going through some rough patch. That's going to be an easy yet difficult decision. Malabo pero you know what I mean.

Chester: Eh nag-uumenglish ka pa kasi eh.

Pierre: Kasi for me, once he cheats, its goodbye.

Chester: Ang masasabi ko lang, sometimes mahirap iwanan ang isang bagay na nakasanayan kahit nakakasama na ito sa atin.

Pierre: Well, casanova, let me put it this way: that sounds like a sure fire of a recipe for a disastrous relationship! I don't know about your friend, but when someone does at least one of the things described above to me well, I bolt out at once and get the hell out of that situation!

I may love deeply but I am not a martyr for one. Learn to love yourself first before you get to love someone. And keep that self respect first and foremost. Why lengthen the agony and give that two-timer guy the best of his life. No way!

Every man should learn how to survive and survive we will after every heartache we go through! Cry a little or cry a lot. But don't dwell on your agony too long. Life has so many things to offer. Live it! Savour it!

Chester: And another one! Pinapagnose bleed nyo akong dalawa mga leche kayo! Heniweyz, gusto ko bigyan ng award yang friend mo ha! Isang trophy para sa Shushunga Awards Night yah know. Anobeh! Kung nasasaktan ka na eh di gumora ka na. Ano pang use magstay sa relasyon kung walang pakiramdam yang partner mo? Baka mahawaan ka lang ng pagkamanhid. Hindi mo na alam na natapilok, nasaksak, o nabundol ka na ng trak. Time to wake up! Huuuyyy gising na! Go! Move on!

Pierre: Tumbling ako sa yo, friend! Nasinghot ko tuloy ang nosebleed ko. Pero tama ka! MOVE ON!

Chester: Pero minsan merong mga bagay na nakakasakit sa atin na gusto mo pa rin manatili yah know. Ito yung mga bagay na nagpapaalala sayo, "ayyy marunong pala ako makaramdam. marunong pa pala ako magmahal. kahit masakit titiisin ko." Una unahan lang yan ng tiisan factor. Kung matitiis mo syang antayin eh di go. Kung tiniis mo na't lahat at wa pa rin sya care bear sayo eh di go umalis ka na jan dali! At baka masampal kita ng bongga.

Pierre: Nakakaloka ang mga binitiwang salita! Meganoooooon?! Bakit nga naman hahayaang magpakasaya nitong cheater BF na ito habang nagdurusa ka naman? Think about it!

Chester: At bakit kasi nakikipagsabayan ka pa sa pag-uum-emote ni casanova? Feelingera ka rin eh!

Pierre: Baka gusto mo magfly-laloo ka na dito via Air mail kanina ka pa ha bwiset ka!

Chester: Ang ganda mo ngayon friend! Anong ginawa mo sa skin mo, its glowing!

Pierre: I know right!